Diary

Things Just Get Weird And I'm Complaining About MÖFF

2008-09-20T22:05:28Z

As much as it hurts me to admit, I get more worried and stressed every day. There’s so many stuff I should be doing, thinking, planning. I really don’t care. The only thing that fits my head is the worry “When will be the next time I get to see Brandon? Will we have some Will we have some quality time? Are we able to get most out of it?” I know it sounds stupid but that’s just how I feel. And no one understands me in this matter, I mean like friends and all… It’s so easy if just I could just be with him… So I find myself from doing stupid things and it’s hard to concentrate and make decisions. I just try to hang on there. I AM TRYING MY HARDEST! And now I just remembered what I planned to do on DA, shit… Everything’s just falling apart or at least will soon. Right now I’m just thinking about REALLY freaky things… Maybe I should just stop x.x

Laulu

2008-06-16T21:53:18Z

Tämä laulu on teille, jotka ette sitä tiedä

sydämeni annoin heille, joiden vuoksi kärsin

Teinkö oikein edes kerran?

Enkö saisi rakkautta edes sen verran, että

voisin omaksi itsekseni tulla?

Herään vain tajutakseni olevani yksin

Kerään sirpaleet vain hajottaakseni itseni uudestaan

Tyhjyys ympärilläni pistelee,

tuoreita haavojani kirvelee

Kaikki minulta viedään,

yksinäisyys hulluudeksi hiertää

pienen tytön, joka

vain halusi rakkautta.

The Keys to Your Heart

2008-04-03T16:59:42Z

I decided to put this here:

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was arrogant, acting like the dictator of your life.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it.

You think of marriage pessimistically. You don't think happy marriages exist anymore.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

Lyrics

2007-12-09T16:55:18Z

Where are you walking,
what are you staring at now?
Are you still chasing that dream
you once told me about?

I loved your face that
seemed to tell the future.

For you to protect that dream,
I couldn't be with you.

When you stood here
and watched the scenery,
how much anxiety and confusion
did you battle with?

I've learned a lot
from being alone.

As long as you didn't let go of my hand,
I felt like I could do anything.

When we walked along the same path
I believed without a single doubt.

But even so, why...?

But even so, why...?

But I...

I remember your promise.
I remember every day.

still alone
Lyrics: Ayumi Hamasaki
Composer: CREA
Arranger: CMJK

Can't Sleep

2007-09-08T23:17:33Z

I know I'm crying for the stupidest reason ever, but I can't sleep because it bugs me so... I don't know how my sister grew to be so screwed up. She has always been weird, but this is just the top. I mean, if she would have asked nicely instead of blackmailing, I would have been ok with it. And it's really a long story which I don't feel like going over again.
I'm crying because I feel so sorry for her, that she needs to use such ways to get what she wants. And I hate the way she treats me, I hate the way my every family member treats me. That's why I don't want them in my life when I get away. I don't want to feel less than I am anymore. There has to be another way in life.

These Days

2007-08-25T22:02:41Z

*sigh*
These past few days, this whole week have been more or less heavy. It has been one of the longes week for a while. I'm glad I have finally started driving school and will hopefully gather the guts to go to my friends school to get a couple of courses done independently. I'm still a little bit afraid that I don't get everything done in time.

Oh yeah and the Muse consert has been bugging me a lot. I mean, it took me too long to get myself mentally ready to go there alone and now the tickets are sold out. What am I supposed to do now? The last time Muse were in Finland was 4 years ago. They have been winning prizes because of their magnificent stage performance and someone claimed it to be the best British band at the moment... And it has been my favorite band for 8 years, of course I need to go!

Oh yeah. I've seen a wild fox twice now in a short period of time. So this evening I used to study a little bit about their power, though I remember something from last spring because I wanted it to be my power animal. Funny thing is that I've been drooling for a handmade fox neclace for quite some time.

And I've been thinking is my DA account needed at all because I don't draw anymore and it's more of a burden. I will soon get 3000 hits(if I haven't already) so the more I should draw something. I don't know why but I'd make a new account or something...

Song - Jewel

2007-08-15T06:59:14Z

Song - Jewel

JEWEL

Under the grey and square sky
Is filled with all kinds of desires today
But I don't lose sight of the light among them
And can walk, looking forward
Because you always show me
That there remains a purity even in a corner of this city

Breathing calmly, I looked at you
Who had fallen asleep, so exhausted
The sweet, unprotected profile
That no one in the world but me knows

One day when the sunlight poured and the wind blew gently
As if it were nothing special
I felt alone that something was changing in me
Slowly, firmly and surely

Though I wasn't sad at all, tears fell down
Because your feelings sank painfully into
The scar in the depth of my heart
And changed it into tenderness

If you come across deep sorrow
I wish you will share it with me
I'll be able to do anything for the smile
My precious treasure
My precious treasure

Potter Quiz

2007-08-12T20:13:13Z

Harry Potter
[x] Minulla on silmälasit
[x] Ja syntymämerkki
[x] Olen suhteellisen varakas
[ ] Jompi kumpi/kumpikin vanhempani on kuollut/muuten ollut poissa elämästäni
[ ] Äitini siskon perhe on/on osittain inhottava
[ ] Minulla on todella kiva setä
[x] Minulla on kovin itsepäiset hiukset
[x] Rupean huutamaan herkästi
5/8

Hermione Granger
[ ] Olen todella hyvä koulussa
[x] En halua rikkoa koulun sääntöjä
[x] Mutta rikon niitä silti, ainakin joskus
[x] Pyrin puolustamaan niitä, jotka ovat sorrettuja ja väheksyttyjä
[ ] Ystäväni kopioivat minulta usein läksynsä
[ ] Vaikka sanon, että se on väärin
[ ] Ja annan heidän silti tehdä sen
[x] Minulla on ruskeat hiukset ja/tai silmät
[x] Olen ahkera
5/9

Ron Weasley
[ ] Olen köyhästä perheestä
[ ] Perheeni on suuri
[x] Äiti on meillä se, joka määrää
[x] Inhoan ja/tai pelkään hämähäkkejä erityisen paljon
[x] Olen rohkea, vaikka en siltä usein vaikutakaan
[x] Jätän usein läksyt viimetippaan
[ ] Ja (silloinkin) saatan kopioida ne ystävältäni
[ ] Minulla on punertavat hiukset ja/tai pisamia
[x] Ihailen salaa parasta ystävääni
5/9

Neville Longbottom
[ ] Olen huono koulussa
[x] Olen helppo kohde kiusaamiselle
[x] Olen yksinäinen
[x] Olen hiljainen tai ujo
[x] Unohtelen asioita
[x] Olen kiinnostunut kasveista
[x] Olen sisimmässäni rohkea, vaikka ei päälle päin uskoisikaan
[x] Olen uskollinen
[ ] Olen hyvin kömpelö
7/9

Draco Malfoy
[ ] Olen kovin seksikäs, ja tiedän sen
[ ] Minulla on oma pieni ihailijajoukkoni
[ ] Ystäväni tekevät kaikki asiat puolestani
[ ] Olen rikkaasta perheestä
[ ] Olen ainut lapsi
[ ] Olen johtaja-ainesta
[x] Inhoan rehtoriani
[ ] Saatan olla kiero tai ilkeä
[ ] Halveksin tummaihoisia
1/9

Severus Kalkaros
[x] Minua koulukiusataan/on koulukiusattu
[x] Saatan olla hyvinkin puolueellinen
[ ] Hiukseni ovat mustat ja/tai rasvaiset
[ ] Jotkut epäilevät minun olevan sekaantunut johonkin laittomaan
[ ] Puhun hiljaa ja hitaasti
[ ] Olen ehkä ilkeä
[ ] Omistan 'salaperäistä vetovoimaa'
[x] Olen jo pitkään havitellut jotakin
[ ] Ja vihdoin sain sen jonkin
3/9

Dobby-kotitonttu
[x] Palvelen usein toisia
[x] Ihailen suuresti erästä henkilöä, teen mitä tahansa hänen vuokseen
[ ] Minulla on hieman oudohko pukeutumistyyli
[x] Toisten on helppo komentaa minua
[ ] Minulla on suuret silmät ja/tai korvat
[ ] Ääneni on vikisevä
[ ] Lajitoverini halveksivat minua pukeutumistyylini vuoksi
[x] Rankaisen itseäni tehdessäni väärin
[ ] Olen hyvin pieni
4/9

Oljo
[ ] Olen hieman höperö
[ ] Olen suvulleni uskollinen
[x] Äitini on minulle hyvin tärkeä henkilö, kunnioitan häntä
[ ] Arvostelen usein toisia
[x] Osaan sanoa pahasti
[ ] Useat ihmiset eivät pidä minusta
[ ] Mutta se ei haittaa, koska he ovat itsekin tyhmiä
[ ] Tiedän henkilön, joka ei ole minua vastaan, vaikka hänen ystävänsä ovat, mutta silti en pidä hänestä
[ ] Vaan haukun häntä, kuten hänen ystäviäänsäkin
2/9

Nymfadora Tonks
[ ] Hiustyylini muuttuu usein
[x] Usein se on hyvinkin villi
[ ] Olen kömpelö
[x] En ole koskaan ollut hyvä/tehokas siivoamisessa
[x] Kaikesta huolimatta olen mukava
[ ] Saatan ihastua reilusti vanhempiin ihmisiin
[x] Tykkään auttaa muita
[x] Aina apuani ei kuitenkaan oteta vastaan
[ ] Olen yleensä iloinen
5/9

Alastor "Villisilmä" Vauhkomieli
[x] Olen kyyninen
[x] Toinen silmäni on/haluaisin sen olevan erivärinen kuin toinen
[x] Tutkin tarkkaan kaiken, mitä syön
[x] Alituinen valppaus!
[ ] Nenäni on hyvin outo
[ ] Näytän ehkä hieman rähjäiseltä
[ ] Pelottavalta, jopa
[ ] Juon usein alkoholia
[ ] Joku on esiintynyt minuna
4/9

Dudley Dursley
[ ] Olen lihava
[x] Olen ollut dieetillä
[ ] Olen hyvä tappelemaan
[ ] Kaverini pitävät minua koviksena
[ ] Mutta oikeasti olen äidin pikku söpöliini diddipsi
[ ] Serkkuni on friikki
[ ] Isäni on erittäin ylpeä minusta
[ ] Olen tottunut saamaan kaiken, minkä haluan
[ ] Minulle on sanottu, että näytän porsaalta
1/9

Gilderoy Lockhart
[ ] Huoneeni on täynnänsä kuvia minusta itsestäni
[ ] Olen helvetin hyvännäköinen
[ ] Ja tiedän sen itsekin
[ ] Olen voittanut jotakin hyvän ulkonäköni ansiosta
[ ] Ihmiset pitävät minua rohkeana
[ ] Mitä en oikeasti ole sitten nimeksikään
[ ] Valehtelen alituiseen
[ ] Minulla on pepsodenthymy
[ ] Usea on ihastunut minuun
0/9

Luna Lovekiva
[x] Näytän uneksivalta
[x] Uskon asioihin, joihin muut eivät usko
[x] Mutta se ei vaikuta siihen, uskonko itse
[ ] Koska isä sanoo, että ne asiat ovat totta, niin silloin ne ovat
[x] En ole kovin suuressa suosiossa, mutta en silti yksinäinenkään
[x] Toisten mielestä käytän hullunkurisia/hassuja/naurettavia vaatteita ja/tai asusteita
[ ] Mutta vaikka asia on/olisi näin, se ei minua haittaisi
[ ] Toisten mielipiteillä ei ole väliä
[x] Toisten mielestä olen omituinen
6/9

Albus Dumbledore
[x] Olen viisas
[x] Olen ymmärtäväinen
[ ] Toiset ihmiset kunnioittavat minua
[x] Kohtelen toisia yhtä hyvin, kuin itseäni
[ ] En pelkää kuolemaa
[x] Tiedän olevani hieman keskivertoikäistäni viisaampi
[x] Mutta vaikka asia on/olisi näin, en väheksy(isi) muita
[x] Olen rauhallinen
[x] Minua on vaikea tulkita
7/9

Dolores Pimento
[ ] Käytän ajoittain pinkkiä paitaa
[ ] Käytän rusettia
[ ] Saatan näyttää hieman sammakolta
[ ] Olen puolueellinen
[ ] Minulla on kimeä ääni
[ ] Minulle on luontaista ottaa joku tietty ihminen silmätikukseni
[ ] Saatan tehdä vastoin sääntöjä, joiden puolesta itsekin työskentelen
[ ] Ystävällisyyteni ja herttaisuuteni on usein tekaistua
[ ] Nautin siitä, jos vihamieheeni sattuu
0/9

Vähänkö Läppä Testi xDD

Gaia Stuff

2007-07-17T09:24:57Z

New Gaia Avatar

2007-07-10T11:02:47Z

What I want to look like ^^

[url=http://www.tektek.org/dream/avatar.php?a=1625310&toggle=2300~951~2460~10338~686~2831~1976~2997~][img]http://public.tektek.org/img/av/d10/6/tek_070710326088.png[/img][/url]
Total Value: 189,943 Gold
After Exclusions: 146,810 Gold
[url=http://www.tektek.org/dream/avatar.php?a=1625310&toggle=2300~951~2460~10338~686~2831~1976~2997~][Item Information][/url]

Item List:
[url=http://tektek.org/?price=10316]Mythic Hair[/url]
[url=http://tektek.org/?price=2300]Stealth InfraRed Top[/url]
[url=http://tektek.org/?price=951]Black Workjeans[/url]
[url=http://tektek.org/?price=2460]Black Wulf Boots[/url]
[url=http://tektek.org/?price=10338]Lunar Scythe[/url]
[url=http://tektek.org/?price=10242]Winter Rose[/url]
[url=http://tektek.org/?price=651]Spirited Gloves[/url]
[url=http://tektek.org/?price=686]Nitemare Collar[/url]
[url=http://tektek.org/?price=2831]Cloud Zebra Wrap[/url]
[url=http://tektek.org/?price=1976]Black Leather Belt[/url]
[url=http://tektek.org/?price=2997]Demonic Anklets[/url]
[url=http://tektek.org/?price=2878]Dark Star[/url]
[url=http://tektek.org/?price=10291]Dark Star[/url]
[url=http://tektek.org/?price=2044]CoCo Kitty Plushie[/url]

Better

2007-07-06T21:45:33Z

I'm starting to feel better :3 Step by step. Because I know I'm being taken care of <3 And I'm so happy I'm alive...in this world, even if it's not perfect ^__^ I have this little feeling inside that everything is going to be alright ^__^ I'm starting to be who I want to be <3

My Mind Is So Full Of Stuff

2007-07-03T20:55:24Z

Anyways, me and Kati ended up eating pizza and candy, watching OC and making ourselves comfortable. I had a lot of fun with her, I can't remember having time like that with anyone else of my friends. She's one of the few people that can really make me put down my armor. I had a great time, but the reason that made me put that kind of onion fellow to my header pic, I will explain now.

I start from Anniina. I was seeing her yesterday and it was ok to see her since I haven't seen her for months.It seems that she has some problems with her boyfriend. They have been together for 1 and a half years. When I heard the reasons why she wanted to break up, I was shocked about what force in the world keeps them together! We started listing the things she didn't like about him, she came up with 40 PROBLEMS! I didn't know if I should cry or laugh...Only thing I could say about him was that he is really shy, I've never talked with him even if we have been in the same parties. And the thing that made me feel like she should move on, was that she told me when she started thinking why she started liking him in the first place, she couldn't answer. My opinion is, she is with him just because she doesn't want to be alone, not because she really loved the guy and wanted to be the rest of her life with him. Anyways, I volunteered to help her out if she needed "a psychologist".

No matter how hard I try to push it into the back of my mind, I worry about my mother a lot. Her voice is always deeper when she comes from work. She says the pieces of her spine are pressing her voice. Today when she got home, she told she had been in some tests. When I asked why, she told me when she was trying to move a patient in his bed, a needle had been fallen to the bed and it had stinged her hand. I was really scared. I don't know if she is having the worst luck or is it that life is telling her to change her job. I don't know why she doesn't switch to a different job, because that would make things better for everyone... But she is just too stubborn. I just wish something would make her come to her senses and stop her from ruining her life and at the same time, the lives of others around her...

And I've been thinking about love a lot too. It was just something I thought I knew but... I'm just starting to learn... I'm so confused at the moment. I just hope everything will work out the way they were meant to be.

New Diary

2007-07-03T14:39:22Z

Yeah well now I have a account here that I will allow my friends to see. I haven't done much today, just busy being lazy -.-' I was watching Onegai Teacher most of the day. Only God knows why I watch it since I don't like any of the characters ^_^' It's such a hot day. I don't know what to wear when I go out and damn I'll be seeing Kati later. Probably we're gonna rent a movie or something. Argh so many things I want to talk about, so little time >.< I think I have to go now...To get ready!